Those quiet nights when everything feels still and the loneliness creeps in can be incredibly tough, especially when you’ve been through narcissistic abuse.
It's like the world gets even heavier, and those old feelings of isolation or fear can surface.
Here’s an actionable step-by-step guide that might help!
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1. Acknowledge Your Feelings
First things first: it’s okay to feel how you’re feeling. The loneliness, the anxiety, and the sadness are all part of healing.
You’ve been through a lot, these emotions are a natural response to the trauma.
Action Step: Give yourself permission to feel. Take a few deep breaths and say, "I acknowledge that I’m feeling this way, and that’s okay."
2. Remind Yourself of Your Strength
You are so much stronger than you realize. Every time you’ve moved past a painful memory, every time you’ve chosen healing over staying stuck, you’ve shown immense resilience.
Action Step: Write down 3 things you’ve done today (or recently) that showed strength. Even the small things count—like getting out of bed, caring for yourself, or saying no to someone toxic. Celebrate those wins.
3. Ground Yourself in the Present
When it’s quiet at night, it’s easy for your mind to drift back to old memories or fears. Grounding yourself in the present moment can help prevent the past from taking over.
Action Step: Use the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding technique:
Name 5 things you can see.
Name 4 things you can touch.
Name 3 things you can hear.
Name 2 things you can smell.
Name 1 thing you can taste. This helps pull you back into the present.
4. Write Your Thoughts Down
Journaling is incredibly healing. It’s a way to release what’s on your mind and make sense of the emotions. Writing also creates a safe space for you to process without judgment.
Action Step: Write a letter to yourself from the future. Imagine yourself healed and strong, offering compassion and understanding for where you are right now.
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5. Create Comfort in Your Space
At night, your environment can impact how you feel. Surround yourself with comfort, warmth, and safety.
Action Step: Put on some cozy pajamas, light a candle, or wrap up in a blanket. Maybe even play some calming music or nature sounds to soothe your soul.
6. Reach Out for Connection
When loneliness feels overwhelming, reaching out—even if it’s just to text someone or listen to a podcast that makes you feel seen—can help break that sense of isolation.
Action Step: Text or call someone you trust, even if just to check in or say "I’m feeling a little down tonight." You don’t have to explain everything, just sharing that feeling can lift some weight off.
7. Affirm Your Healing Journey
You are on the road to healing. It’s not easy, and it’s definitely not linear, but each night you make it through is one more step away from the abuse and closer to your strength.
Action Step: Repeat a comforting affirmation to yourself, like, “I am healing. I am safe. I am worthy of peace.” Write it down and put it by your bed, if that helps.
8. Plan Tomorrow with Intention
Sometimes, planning for the next day can help ease the anxiety of the night. It gives you something to look forward to, even if it’s a small step.
Action Step: Set a small goal for tomorrow—whether it’s something as simple as enjoying a cup of tea, taking a walk, or working on a project you’ve been putting off. It can be empowering to have something in mind.
9. Practice Self-Compassion
In those moments when the pain feels overwhelming, remind yourself that healing takes time. You’ve been through a lot, and your feelings are valid. It’s okay to have tough moments.
Action Step: Gently place your hand over your heart and tell yourself, "I am doing the best I can, and that’s enough."
10. Allow Yourself Rest
When your mind won’t stop spinning, sometimes the best thing you can do is rest. You’re not running away from the pain, but giving your body and mind a chance to rejuvenate so you can heal.
Action Step: If you’re ready, lie down and focus on your breathing. Let your body relax with each exhale. Don’t worry about “fixing” everything right now; just let yourself be.
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I hope this helps remind you that you’re not alone in those tough moments. Even when the quiet feels overwhelming, your inner strength is always with you, guiding you through. You’ve already made it this far—you’ve got this.
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